my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
