i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
