I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
