you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
pray to the hookup gods
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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