God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
