Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
