remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
