I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
