This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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