When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
