i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
