Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
