At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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