I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
