don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
