We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
