the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
