I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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