I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
