it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
