Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
