I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Boobs are out for the taking
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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