I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
