jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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