it hurts more in the daytime
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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