Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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