like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
