i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
