We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
