Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
