And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
