Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
