i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
