In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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