you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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