She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
