Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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