I am puke
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
