My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
