I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
