just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
