A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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