dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm both gender and math confused
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
