tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
