did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
