I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
