his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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