i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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