Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
