okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
did i walk over a car last night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize