well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
